Weak Knees and Butterflies

Sunday,  we were commissioned by our church as missionaries to Nepal.

It was a blessed thing to be prayed over by so many.

And as countless people came by at the end to shake our hands or give us a hug.

I heard many comment on how brave we were. How God had used us to inspire them.

I was called a special kind of person.

And I’m humbled that God can, and is using us to impact others.

Yet, last night as I pondered this, I had to shake me head.

See, the reality is my legs are shaking like a leaf.

My heart is overwhelmed and I often find it hard to breathe.

When I think of leaving those I love behind, the tears flow and my shoulders shake.

The truth is, this warrior of God is just a child.

Last Sunday my husband preached from Luke 17, about the unworthy servant.

At the beginning of the passage, Jesus tells the disciples that if someone sins against them 70 x 7, they are to forgive them.

They respond by saying, give us more faith.

It seems that what God is asking them to do is beyond them.

They know that in and of themselves it is impossible and they think they need more faith.

But Jesus tells them,  “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you. (Luke 17:6)”

My husband then explained that it wasn’t about the amount of faith, it was instead about obedience.

See telling a tree to be uprooted is crazy, and asking it to plant itself in the sea is insane.

Neither of these things make sense and they both are impossible.

Yet, Jesus tells the disciples that if they say to the tree do this, the tree will obey.

Jesus finishes off the parable talking about the unworthy servant.

A servant will not come in and expect to be waited on by his master.

A slave will do as expected, and would be shocked to hear thank you or well done.

He concludes with these words, “So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'”

And that about sums it up for me!

Because the truth is, I’m not brave and courageous.

I’m actually scared and timid.

Not a whole lot of what we are doing makes sense, rationally

And the truth is I’m not super spiritual.

I’m just an unworthy servant who has been told to go to the mission field.

And who has said yes, in obedience to the Master.

And sometimes saying yes to God is easy, and other times it is hard.

But as Kristen Welch so eloquently put it, “Saying yes to God does not mean I’m not afraid, it just means I’m obedient.”

 luke 17



3 thoughts on “Weak Knees and Butterflies

  1. Johnc478

    Usually I do not read writeup on blogs, nevertheless I wish to say that this writeup extremely forced me to take a look at and do so! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thanks, really wonderful post. kekgagccgeeb

  2. Mandy, Stopping by from We are That Family. I pray the Lord and His Angels go before you and protect you during your mission in Nepal, and that you do many things in His name. We were also a part of a commissioning for a family at our church this past weekend. It was very special and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus.

    Remember Jeremiah 29:11 when you feel fear. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

  3. May you be blessed as you are traveling, settling in, sleeping or waking on the other side of the world today! I am so thankful to call you friend and sister. May The Lord bless as you serve! Not only have you heard the voice of God, but you obeyed and that does make you special, moldable by The Lord! As Aaron put it to our Racer missionaries in training whom we call radicals, ” To be Radical is to hear the voice of God and obey it.” So excited to see how you will be poured and spilled out for the LORD! Blessings my dear sweet friend as this new journey begins! Love you!

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