All week I have heard (not audibly) but in that still small voice the Lord asking me, “You say you believe, do you really?” This past week has been a whirlwind and my head is still spinning trying to take it all in. It began on Monday with an interview with a mission agency, my family and I are working through to go to the mission field. This was an important interview that we were sure we had in the bag. However, after this interview we were left wondering how it really went. On Tuesday, the fear set in as I began to think ( I don’t know about you, but I get into much trouble when I began to do this). But, I began to think, WHAT IF???? This is a dangerous question to ask, one from Hell itself, but as my mind began to contemplate what if they say sorry, we are not going to send you? Panic began to fill my heart and to fear began to overwhelm me. I was a wreck. On Wednesday I woke up to that still small voice asking me, “You say you believe me, you say you trust Me, do you really?” Well, after much tear and much prayer the Lord carried me through and I said yes, Lord I do trust you. But for me, the Lord is teaching me that lip service is not enough, He wants evidence. Thursday began and I’ll tell you as I prayed and wept, the Lord brought me to the place where I was able to say, “Lord, if this isn’t it and they say no, I will still trust you, I will still serve you, I will still praise you.” This was no easy prayer to pray.
Well, I’m here to tell you only about an hour or so later, we received a phone call, a call from one of the leaders inviting my husband to travel with them on a trip to Africa next month to teach. A opprotunity for Eric to gain more experience teaching cross-culturally and them an opportunity to see that he can do this. Yes, you guessed it, panic. Africa, really, Lord. This is crazy, next month? Surely not! Yet again, that still small voice, “do you really trust me?” See, I have often said, sometimes the Lord ask us to do things that just don’t make sense, but if we trust Him and obey, He will bless us. If you have children, you know how sometimes your words come back to haunt you. Well, this was one of those times. “Do you really trust Me?” asked the Lord. Deep breath, okay Lord, its off to Africa Eric will go.
Friday morning I awake and my mind is in overdrive seeking to figure it all out. How will we pay for the trip, how will my husband get his lessons prepared, what about this, what about that? Again, the Lord broke into my thoughts and asked, “who is in control, you or Me?” I of course thought well you are Lord and He asked once more, Do you really trust Me?
I’m telling you it has been a doozy of a week, but the Lord is teaching Me that often times I’m a lot of hot air. I’m really good at telling someone else going through a hard time to just trust the Lord, that He will work everything out. Yet, when faced with trials of my own, my own advice is hard to swallow. I don’t believe for one minute the Lord is pleased with this. He’s teaching me it is not enough to talk it, I must live it.
One of the reasons I so admire David Platt, Francis Chan, Katie Davis and others like them is because they don’t just talk it, they truly live it. If they tell you to do something, you’d better believe they are doing it too. Now, I’m not saying they are perfect and I’m sure they struggle like the rest of us. Yet, their faith is sincere and they inspire others to have sincere faith. To have a faith that is proven by its works.
This is what I desire, to live a life by grace through faith, that is proven by my works. A life that inspires others to truly believe, to truly trust the Lord. Not a life filled with lip service, but a life of faith proven by my works.